Angry...

I've spent the past two weeks feeling angry.  Angry with just about everything.  It really doesn't help that I'm so stressed its now taking a physical toll.  I think I need a proper holiday to calm down and clear my head.

The other day I read a blog entry about the Beast Within, http://notnownancy.wordpress.com/ It made me think about me, I don't so much have a Beast Within, more of a Dark Side, in fact I reckon I'm turning into Darth vader.  Click on the above link and have a read.

So, why so angry?  I don't know, what I do know is that I'm stressed.  Stressed about money, work, life in general.  I carry it around with me, it makes me tense all of the time, gives me headaches and makes me angry.  Last week I vented my anger at the unit sister.  She has a new rule that only two people are allowed on holiday at any one time.  I understand why, the problem is, we won't be able to get our holidays booked.  She refuses to understand that in order for me to take a summer holiday I will have to take the kids out of school, this will mean being fined.  That's fine with her.  My anger flared when she told me that if I didn't manage to book my leave I would lose it, even though its not my fault that I can't.  I really did try not to lose it, just couldn't contain it any longer.  I want to take it to HR but i know it'll be pointless as the whole issue has been backed by management.  I'd just like to know why thet Trust can get away with expecting their staff to take children out of school in order to take family holidays.  I tried to book my leave 12 months in advance, that's how bad it is.  I know what the answer will be..."Don't take a holiday".  Why the hell should I!

This week, Sister's useless shadow felt my anger.  I've worked in this particular unit for 5 years now and during that time have got to know how to deal with certain members of staff.  One in particular is a pain and I had to deal with her on Tuesday.  All you need do is give this person your undivided attention for 5 minutes, give her what she needs and she's gone.  No, not this week, the Shadow decided she would interfere, when I continued she didn't like it so I lost my rag, its been coming for sometime now and Tuesday was the final straw, only needed something trivial and to be spoken to like a child to do it.  Another member of staff became involved and the whole thing escalated.  We did expect a bollocking but to be honest there are those you can bully and those you can't, us being the latter.

I think the last person to say "why can't you just do as you're told" was my dad some 30 odd years ago.

Its been a week of upset I can tell you, Wednesday I had bad news from the Legal Services Commission, some idiot behind a desk thinks I earn to much.  If I did I wouldn't be applying to them would I!  Anyway they've refused my application so I'm buggered.  Looks like I'll have to turn my back on all I'm entitled to, including child maintenance.  I'll be in the gutter before we know it.

Life is truly shit at the moment, but I suppose i should be grateful I have a job and somewhere to live...even if it is just for now.  Still at least if I don't take holidays I can work more and earn more...maybe!